My Life Through the Eyes of Me: So Long, Farewell

Goodbyes have never been a good thing for me. I have a hard time moving on from the things that I love. Maybe that is why I always enjoy coming back to the same places where I feel I have connections with people rather than continuing to travel to new locations. I don't really think there is anything wrong with always going someplace new, but for me, I feel like the impact is greater and a little more deep when you can keep going back and learning a little more about people every time. For example, when I went on my first real missions trip to Chicago, I ended up continuing to go back every year for the next five years, even after I graduated from university. Every year I got to reconnect with people and get updates on how they were doing over the past year and conversations always got deeper the longer we knew people.

Since coming to Uganda, I have a select core of friends that I have met which started with my brother's first trip in 2007 and my first trip in 2008 when I was introduced to one of my best friends who unfortunately lives all the way over on this side of the world. Pretty unfortunate that we had a really strong connection from the time we met, but pretty amazing that we were able to keep in touch regularly over so many years. Over time, the circle has expanded so that I have met people's parents, siblings, and other members of their extended families. It really does feel a lot like home and I think there will always be a tug of wanted to be in two different places because my heart feels it has a home in both.

Although I am sad about being away from the friends I have made, it's never so bad because we have technology to help us, such as Facebook, Whatsapp, and Skype. It's pretty easy to stay connected at least a little bit. The saddest part for me is leaving the orphanages, especially the ones where we know the kids very well because you never know what will happen the next time you are back. Over the past week, we have tried to make house calls to the orphanages that we were involved with through our previous project with Medicine for Sick Children. Unfortunately, the doors were closed on this chapter, literally. JaJa's orphanage and Nantale's orphanage were places that seemed to have things together and there were outside sponsors helping. However, when we showed up at their gates, we found locks on the outside of the door. From far away, I know it is a bad sign to drive up and see the lock. It means that nobody is inside because the lock would prevent them from getting out. We have some contact numbers but mostly they don't work and the neighbors only know when they left, but none of the other details. We are going to continue to search until we find out at least a few of the details. For now we have to be content knowing that when we were here in the past, it was our time to offer help and now we are moving on to different things instead.

Closed doors are always a bad sign

Today was really a horrible day, even though it was actually pretty fun. It was the last day with the Wooly kids at Watoto. It was a usual visit day full of coloring books, volleyball in the yard without a net, braiding (or knotting) my hair, and finishing with delicious local food. At the end of the day, the kids piled in the car so there wasn't even enough room for us. I got to walk back with Arthur, the boy that I sponsor, instead of riding in the car. It was so nice to have a quiet time to talk to him without all the commotion. I realized how much I love this 11 year old and the whole group of kids. We know them so well. Every year we visit them a minimum of 3 times, and have at least one full day outing to some fun place in Kampala. I know all of their personalities really well and I feel like I am really "Auntie Margaret", just like they call me now. Even the most stubborn girl, Ruth, who used to always call me Mzungu, and never speak in English has now been calling me by my name and coming around to talk to me. I still wonder if she is just looking for sweeties, but I am considering it a win.

My face about sums up how I feel. The picture looks about how much they were pulling.

At the very end of the walk, Arthur asked when he would see me again. I had to tell him I honestly don't know. With starting residency and moving along with training, I don't have a clear plan of what my purpose will be both in Minnesota and in Uganda. I have no idea if or when I will be back. In my heart, I feel like I will always be back, but I just can't be completely sure and that makes me more sad. I wish I could say I will see them next year but I might not. I have to trust that if it is meant to be, I will see them again, and it hopefully won't be too long from now. I am convincing myself that I am just saying "so long for now" rather than "goodbye forever". I need to trust that whatever God's plan is for the kids, it will be for the best, but I really hope that I am a part of the plan some time. For now, when I get home I will still be able to pray for them, I can write to them, and even call occasionally every few months. I hope they know how much we love them and want the best for them, even though we are from such different places in the world. I left with an extremely heavy heart today and cried for a good portion of the way home, but I think it is good to feel close to them and be sad to be separated from them. I think it is a sign that there is a strong connection and the relationships we have with them are important and meaningful.